Thursday, 8 July 2010

Borish Babies.

I was talking to a friend the other day, and saying how I try, even if I fail, not to be a baby bore. It seems silly I know, but it takes a real effort it seems to stop myself from having my every waking tweet or status being about babies or baby related things. But as I sit here watching my beautiful little boy throw his stupid cow toy from his wheely ma jig, and notice that there's a sick stain on the sofa, and see a stray baby wipe (don't worry only from dribble) I think how proud I am, and how it is impossible for me to be anything but a baby bore. And of course as my friend pointed out to me, you're only a bore if people don't want to know or something on the lines of that any way.

The problem is that the baby does take over every aspect of your life, and therefore can spill over into all aspects of conversation. I now wonder if people really realise the magnitude of having a child. Not the responsibility of it, just the sheer size of what you've undertaken in producing this sicking pooping crying machine. 

Something that bothers me however is the idea of being a baby-bore. If I go on and on about my son... you know the thing that was 10lb 8oz inside me that I managed to grow and eventually get out of there and have a living breathing being, then I am a baby-bore. However if you buy a game or toy or PC part, and talk about it at length, day in day out until you get your next new bit, you're not a bore of any type, you're just really into *insert title of what ever you go on about*  Why is it OK for people to go on about an inanimate object but its boring to go on about something that can be bigger than a bowling ball and squeezed out of something smaller than a mouse hole!?! Don't get me wrong, I get new toy syndrome too, If I didn't I wouldn't have written my last blog post, or bored Big troll to death talking about bits and bobs of Harry Potter. I just don't understand why one seems more acceptable than the other.

So now I refuse to believe talking about my son is boring. I refuse to accept that any aspect of my life with him is anything but as riveting as your new shiny, I mean after all mine will be around for 80+ years, it wont need upgrading, (unless he wants a boob job which would be questionable) I wont need to replace him because he's run out of power or broken down. I will have the same thing for that long and it will just upgrade itself throughout that time... plus I get to dress it up for the first go knows how many years. Where as your newest toy... they one you prize above all your other new toys will be replaced, or broken, or upgraded or something similar in years or months to come.

When you discover that you cannot do anything without taking the baby into account, even when he's asleep, then life takes a whole new turn. You know that when you have a child your life if going to change, you're instantly going to grow up... well maybe not instantly... but supposedly grow up and become more responsible. That lot is taken for granted, and of course you know you're never going to have money again because there will always be more fun things to buy for him/her than for yourself... like milk powder (if not going boob... breast is best and all that, I feel I must say that because mine look rather threatening if I'm honest.) and those fun nappy things, and you'd think if you go all Eco friendly would be cheaper, cos its all re usable etc, but no it feels like you're being punished for trying to be nice to the planet as you exchange your organs on the black market to pay for the sodding things! *mini rant over* You've also got to remember that there will always be that cute little outfit for baby that you just cant not get him/her because its too cute not to. (what you don't realise is that most outfits are light colours and most baby food is orange or purple, and that baby poop can be brown, black, green or mottled! And therefore those outfits will be ruined before the day is out the first time he/she wears them.) 

The thing that you don't really get warned about, that is the most bewildering thing, is that when you get past the tiredness, the no money, the everything being everywhere..ness, is that your life still has to go on. You still need to find a way of being you, of being part of a couple. *disclaimer: this post does not mean you have to be in a relationship to have a sprog so don't start : D * You need to learn how to do all the things you used to do and to add the new baby stuff in. You've got to work out a way of getting the best of both. And by crikey is that difficult. We are lucky, our baby sleeps from 6pm till 6am with us feeding him in his sleep (always seemed an odd idea but works) at midnight ish. Other people who's babies don't sleep at night, and who cry all the time, they still need to learn how to do baby life and grown up life. And then, there's the great many women who get re-pregnanted within months of having their baby. Morally I have no issue with this, I worry they won't get enough time with their current baby, but that's for them to work out. What I do have issue with is a little more practical... when the hell did they have time to bonk!? I get that after a few months when the girls body is better then sex starts again, I'm not daft, (I even noticed when it happened ; ) )but how can a woman with a 3 month old child already be a month pregnant?! It just seems odd and not quite right. I just want to figure out when they managed to fit it in, and *be warned grim question coming up!!* wasn't it messy? Boobies dripping type messy I mean.. I guess for some people that's fun... though that can wait for another post.

Thank you for reading.

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